I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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