it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
