Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
