I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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