Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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