my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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