so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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