dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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