I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
