Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
