Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
