My friends, they love my intelligence
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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