my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
