Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
