Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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