put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
