I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
