Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize