literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
