If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
be right there i have to get my cape
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
