I'm going to jail i love you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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