My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
