If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
