Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
