Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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