Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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