my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
