just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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