You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
