plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
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once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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