why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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