Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
