i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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