yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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