um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
