We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
