im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
