I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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