If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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