and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
