I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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