Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
