Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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