I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
50% drunk capacity currently
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
