he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
