I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
