you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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