I love having hate sex.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
