dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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