I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
