She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
