tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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