Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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