Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
