y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
