I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
