He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
