that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
