Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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