After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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