I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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