I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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